July 14th, 2005



I was thinking about the last post written here by sadmatthias, and it's gotten me to ponder. I also am thinking about neochristos's comment, which made me smile; he mentioned astrology and how it can be likened to a tool used to describe the "why we are this way"...or at least that's what I myself got out of it. Being a novice astrologist, the one thing that I do know about Life and its creations, all of them, is that we all have a path to walk, and they will be crossed amongst others, and we are all connected...blah. Yes.

We all do have reasons to believe we might all be Indigos, but who can be sure? I could say that we are emotional addicts, suffering through mental crisis day after day, little or big, because we see how the world needs to be changed, but why isn't anyone else doing anything about it? Where is The Sight amongst humanity? Maybe if we were read Ishmael to us as children, we'd have the motivation installed in us.

That's my own biggest problem that I've found. My motivation has hidden from me for so long, I no longer feel the desire / need / want to do anything, really. I just sit there and doze off, too horrified and overwhelmed by current and passed events, I don't want to do anything about everything because I don't want to make it worse, don't want more to pile up on me while I start. Perhaps this might be as to why I'm also not as anal about recycling as I'd like to think I am. =/ Meh.

Regardless of whether we are Indigos or not, we should do something...we've got to do something. I myself am fearing for my own Internal Life, because I have gotten so morbid, so detestably down, and this pressure on my nose and chest and lungs is so commonplace now. I feel tired, apathetic, weary. I don't turn -away- from it all; my vision merely blurs to where it all looks the same...easier to bare that way, I suppose.

No matter how much beautiful music we listen to, to help us through the days; no matter what we paint / write / see / feel, it isn't worth a damned bit of what it should if we don't honor it by doing something. Something could include taking a shower and singing in it, regardless of who is in your abode. It could include going outside and taking a walk, sitting under a tree and not think at all. Aren't we supposed to be vicious revolutionaries with no mercy? :: laughs :: I've heard us be described worse...That spirit that we're sedating, just so we OUR-selves can make it through the damned days without suicidal thoughts and despaired cries in the middle of the night, it's going to die anyway. That's just a fucking given -.- I don't even know if what I'm saying will motivate me to do something today, but I feel the Intention to. And at this point, that's plenty enough, much more than I've had in a long time.

But words are cheap, and five cents a dozen, so if actions speak louder than words, what can -you- do today to lighten the burden off of the rest of us? We may be a reluctant tribe, sharing Gaia with the rest of the world, but we personalize everything to help us admit it into our mindframes. What is something I can do to help an alienated Austrialian boy in an aborigine (sp?) tribe? Damn it, I'm not even motivated to check my spelling, hold on ---a-b-o-r-i-g-i-n-e, for future reference...pfft. Way to go, Jen.

So I suppose this is all I have to vent as of right now. I have to go to work in 3 hours, and I'm none too pleased because working in retail kills my Soul, but for now, it's what I've got to put up with. "What we have to put up with" is so damaging, it becomes an every day routine.

Where are we going...?
  • Current Music
    -Krishna Das feat. Sting-ji Maharaj- Mountain Hare Krishna