August 9th, 2005

An Update......How Long Has It Been?

My Soul. I know this is where I belong. It's within me, and I am within it. I can get in touch with it, here and there. It seems to be extremely difficult to stay in touch with it all of the time, especially in the outer world. I feel a conflict within. I ask, I ask all the time to be guided and directed, to have my path illuminated with the right thinking, speaking, and actions. I don't understand why it seems so difficult to acheive this. It's like I lose touch with my inner self when I go into the outer world. I feel as though I need help. I feel as though I'm all alone. Sure, there are those, here and there, around that are similar in feeling and thought. But none seem to be near me. Perhaps I just don't see clearly yet.

There are so many situations that arise in my outer life, to which I am unsure as to how to approach them. People. Their attitudes, their behaviors, their actions. I don't always know how to deal with it, properly mind you. I'm perplexed, stressed sometimes. There are times where I wish I was 'normal'. I don't know what that means though. I guess it's just an excuse to say, I wish I had someone else's problems. But, we are all at where we are at, and must deal accordingly.

Deep within myself, I know, that I am to fulfill some higher purpose. For those that do not have this experience, no understanding of this entry will you have. Don't feel bad, your time will come, we are all one mind. I just feel like, I don't fit here.....I feel like a puzzle piece that's trying to fit into the wrong puzzle. I feel like an alien's alien. I want to do my duty you see. I want to fulfill my mission, my purpose. I just don't feel like I can do it alone, and I'm not sure who else to do it with. I need help to hold the vision!

I wish sometimes that my girlfriend could appreciate me more. Like, maybe that we could appreciate each other. I don't know. Mabye that I could share my deepest part of myself with her, and she with I. ::Sigh:: Nothing feels quite right yet. I guess everything will work out one way or another.

Am I with the right people? Am I on the right path? Am I in the right location? I know. It's my soul. I'll ask.