October 28th, 2005

  • __mouse

(no subject)

The scariest fucking thing that's ever happened to me in my life just happened.
  I was trying to sleep and in and out of it lightly and tossing and turning and I finally fell asleep a little and started having this random dream, something about being in a high big vehicle next to my friend's station wagon...and we were like, we being whoever the hell I was with, looking for ghosts in it driving next to it and then it was like I was thinking about telling the story of it to someone, or having told someone, and I said there was no one driving my friend's car at all and it was just going down the roads all the time...and then I realized it was true. All of the sudden, I was still in this bus thing or whatever, still felt like I was with people but couldn't see anyone, could still see Slink's car, was still aware of telling and realizing, but then I was sort of awake, and my body just started freaking out and I was like wow that must be a much freakier and honest concept in my dream because...oh my god, the reaction...and I'm thinking all of this while I'm sort of awake sort of asleep...my whole body tenses up and is tingling freezing cold needles like when you move after being numb and my temples hurt beause my teeth are clenched and if I don't try fighting it and waking up this slight buzzing in my ears turns into this awful roaring loud loud roaring...I finally jerk myself awake and I can't force my eyes into focus because I still coudln't move. It was like the worst feeling of terror. Like nothing I've ever felt, like I'd imagine it must be if you were "scared stiff" or "scared to death". I really need sleep today because I have to work but I'm fucking horrified to go back to sleep. When I tried after, even when I closed my eyes my body would tense up and I wasn't all the way awake because I was so fucking exausted from whatever happened, and if I'd start to be asleep enough to dream it'd be another something really really random and morbid and just fucking creepily weird and twisted that didn't make sense and wouldn't seem that bad but actually seemed awful. So I just got up and I feel weird. All of this happened within like 15 minutes, and it was crazy. My ears are still brining and buzzing, I'm still shaking, my teeth are still clenched...I am seriously horrified of going back to sleep. This wasn't like a dream, I mean, I had the dream, the dream was there, but I physically felt and heard what I felt and heard. Maybe I should go to some supernatural community or dream interppretation? I just want to know what's going on...any suggestions are welcome. That was not a normal can't move or scream dream. I never want to feel like that again.

Also, and yes, I know this sounds completely fucking insane, but I swear i'm not like a goth who wants to believe in freaky shit or anything...but it's like my pet's understand me since I woke up? I know, I know...but seriously... Like, we always have to be careful with the cats around my mom's bird, and my cat tigger was on my mom's bed with my mom the bird and I and he's like a little rebl that thinks he's a fucking jungle cat or something, but I said, Tiger, no kid, please don't...no yelling or grabbing or threatening motions, and he backed off., I said come here, he came to me. He never ever does those things ever. The bird was going after him in defense and I told her it was okay and she needed to back off...she did and gave me the death ray glare from hell. This talk is usually human self fulfilling bullshit because animals dont know wtf we're saying, but today it was like I was having a fucking civilized conversation with them. Idk, maybe I'm crazy.
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