October 15th, 2007

Mood - Sad
  • k8mnstr

Negative Vibes

Did anyone else feel a sharp, sudden, almost painful emotional discomfort today?

I passed out this afternoon and when I woke up everything felt... different. I had this swirling vortex of sorrow consume me. The feeling in and of itself is quite indescribable, and the sorrow is not borne out of sadness yet it is still mired in morosity. The sorrow felt is second only to sheer terror. This fearfulness is not a disdainful worry about a speculative future which hasn't come to pass, rather, it is a frightful uncertainty about the present; the here and now. At the same time it is vastly more complex than just fear and sorrow. It is almost similar to something I felt many years ago, only exponentially more powerful. This vexatious emotional squall seems rather unwarranted though as my personal, romantic, and professional lives are all doing stellar. Perhaps the most important thing to point out is that this feeling is quite alien to me, as if it weren't my own feelings but rather an empathic reverberation of what someone else is feeling.

The most aggravating aspect of it all is that I am heedlessly unaware of how to reconcile these rogue emotions. I've said several times over the past few months (in my personal journal) that something big and something bad was forthcoming. If those prognostications are correct then I fear that this is the precursor to its arrival.

Am I alone in these feelings or have others experienced something similar today? This can't just be some petty side effect of Mercury retrograding... this is far more ominous and sinister.
  • Current Mood
    uncomfortable uncomfortable